Birthday jokes
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell a brat.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!