What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
What is a milk?
Milk!!!!
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
Why can't I drink tea??
Because I laugh too much. TEEEEEHEHEEE
