Beverage jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
What is a rabbit's favorite drink? Hare wine.
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”