Beverage jokes
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
What kind of tea is really hard to swallow? Reality.
Yo mama so stupid. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".
What type of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
Fruit punch sounds like the name of a gay boxer.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.