What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Why is the rum gone?
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
Why did the fruit punch say "What's sup?"
He was so naughty!
If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...
My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Steven hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says... WAITTTT WHATTT
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
