Better jokes
Why did the cow go to space?
To get ice cream!
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.