Best jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
York High School is the best school ever!
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.