Belief jokes
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"
The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.