Being jokes

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A murderer.

A murderer who--

Is cut off by being murdered.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

Why can't an orphan play basketball?

Because no one will be cheering them on.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.