Being jokes
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.