Being jokes
Tazzaro be like: Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Bro wtf is all this!?
Like fr tho none of this be funny... messed up af to joke abt sum shii that ppl go thru.
DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."
And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...
On the floor.
And died.
The end.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Fat jokes and mom jokes😂
1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."
2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.
3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."
4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."
6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.
Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.
If Jesus had a gun, what would it be? A nail gun.
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.