Being jokes

What would good be if it was a place?

It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

Have you seen all the pants with crazy designs on them? I mean, britches be crazy!

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

What does a Mexican Highlander say?

"There can be only Juan!"

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."

Why are orphans always at school?

'Cause they can't be homeschooled.

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.

If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.

When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."

And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.

Fat teachers be like: "I hope you're paying a ten chin."

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

Cotton waiting to be picked.

How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.