Being jokes
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal?
They aren't wanted.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
A project where people get lined up to be changed.
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.