Being jokes
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.
And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my was kicked, let's be friends?
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.
Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.
My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Uranus is a cow, You may be wondering, how?
Uranus farts methane, And cows do the same.