Being jokes

Fruit

    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

    The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

    They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

  • 71

    • Blonde joke

    • A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

  • 1

    • Police Officer

    • A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

  • 3
    • Being memes

    Vagina

    • So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

  • 0

    • Entrepreneur

    • Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

    Me: Oh, I wan-

    Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

    Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

  • 4

    • Cop

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they all beat the room for being black.

  • 4

    • Slap

    • The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

    Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

    So the Pope slapped him.

  • 20

    • Hockey

    • Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

    It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

  • 6

    • Option

    • Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."

    Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."

  • 3

    • Police

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

  • 6

    • Sexism

    • If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

    The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

  • 0

    • Wheelchair

    • I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

  • 1

    • Big Bang

    • The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

  • 0