Being jokes

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."

And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...

On the floor.

And died.

The end.

I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?

He blacks out.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.

Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.

The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black.

How is being gay like a geology class?

You get to lick all the rocks you want.