Bathroom jokes
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
Diarrhea.
Poopy face, poopy face, poopy poopy poopy face!
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.