I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
Helen Keller walked into a bar...
And into a table, and into a chair.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Helen Keller walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and a wall.
An orphan goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you need parent permission to enter."
Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
