Bad jokes

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?

Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

I was bulimic but I gave it up.

It just left a bad taste in my mouth.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

That is so bad, just like you.

How do you rape someone? By forcing them to do it with you! Please comment! Bad or good! :)

I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Of a bad internet connection.

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Summer wasn't too bad either.

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.