Bad jokes
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.
Your hairline so bad even God says, "Aaaaahhhh!"
I have a really good joke.
Do you want to hear it?
Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.