Bad jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
I felt bad for the orphan because he couldn't go on a field trip, you know why?
Parent signature: _________
You know why seven ate nine? Because 7, 8, 9.
Why are you making all these bad jokes about orphans? What did they ever do to you?
One day little Jonny is in class. It is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids, so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid, stand up." Little Jonny stood up.
The teacher asked him, "Why do you think you're stupid?" Little Jonny said, "I don't think I am stupid."
Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied, "I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone."
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.