Bad jokes
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
A fan gave another fan a blowjob.
Why do Asians abandon their children?
They're bad at math.
What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?
Where does bad light end up at?
In prism.
I'm so friking dumb, even I need Joe Mama so fricking bad.
Why couldn’t wheelchair Harry Potter go to Hogwarts?
They had no wheelchair ramps or elevators...
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!