Bad jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Why did the clock eat so fast?
He wanted to go in for SECONDS! Super bad, huh?
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
Why are Amoebas so bad at math?
Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.