Bad jokes
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
My life is the joke.
My life.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
Ok, here's a story about the church.
There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
If you're having a bad day, just remember the Blobfish exists.
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.
Sorry, the joke is bad :(