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Back jokes

This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

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  • Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

    "Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

    A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

    The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

    What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

    They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

    My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

    One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

    "Please send me a sibling!"

    Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

    I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.