Back

Back jokes

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?

Oh... one comes back.

They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.

There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.