Away

Away jokes

Man

    • A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

    The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

    The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

    The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

    So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

    The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

    The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

    "Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

  • 2

    • Cat

    • In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.

    With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.

    Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.

    Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.

    A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.

    With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.

    Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.

    But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.

    And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.

  • 1
    • Away memes

    Beach

    • Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?

    Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,

    Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week

    For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me

    I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days

    Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves

    I need the beach I love the ocean

    Put my feet in the sand

    Watch the earth in motion

    Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

    Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

    Oh yeah

    You gotta wash it away

    Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling

    Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island

    Don't miss my 9 to 5

    Living like a local on this island time

    I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow

    I'll miss my sandy toes

    I've got to go back before you know this island is my home

    I need the beach I love the ocean

    Put my feet in the sand

    Watch the earth in motion

    Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

    Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

    Oh yeah

    You gotta wash it away

    Wash it away

    I need the beach I love the ocean

    Put my feet in the sand

    Watch the earth in motion

    Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

    Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

    Oh yeah

    You gotta

    Wash it away

    Wash it away

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

    Orphan: But why?

    Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

    Bird

    • A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!

    What the fuck.

    Now I've seen everything.

    Angel

    • A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

    The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

    He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

    When he died, the Angel came back for him.

    "But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

    "Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

  • 1

    • Blonde

    • There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

    The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

  • 2

    • Dog

    • Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

    I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

  • 2

    • Fence

    • Fence 1 was thinking and Fence 2 said, "Are you still on the fence about running away?"

    Fence 1 said, "Yeah, I was thinking of running on the RAILROAD."