When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.
Kaden wants to have sex with you.
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.
Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?
Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.
Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?
Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.
LOL xD
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
My dick said that your ass is having a boner.
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
