What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.
Oh wait, I am.
Animals are just... so hot!
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
