Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
You like kissing boys, don't you?
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Not a joke.
Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
