Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
