Asked jokes

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

Why do Jews suck at mugging?

Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

What did the South Tower ask the North Tower?

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."