Asked jokes

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Owl.

Owl who?

Who? Are you meant to ask "who?"