Asked jokes

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

A kid was asking a mother for money.

Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.

The kid kept asking the mother for money.

Mother: I already told you I don't have money.

The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!

I was playing basketball and a guy in a wheelchair asked if he could play.

I looked at him and told him that we are looking for ankle breakers, yours are already broken.

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

"I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

What does pussy taste like in chocolate cream pie?

Don't ever ask me no damn question like that. I ain't never had no damn chocolate cream pie, you crazy?

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

How's your day going?

Shut up, I didn't ask.

Use code tiko#teamfish

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"

Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."