A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied "I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing"
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked his what he was suppose to be. He answered," A turtle." 'Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again. The boy answered, " it's Michelle."
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."
To all you who can't understand using jokes as coping mechanism... you know what i will ask of you:)
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?" The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
when i ask my dad did i get adopted he said not yet no one wants you
two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal....Does he taste funny to you?
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them “because I’m such a noose-ance.”
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."
I asked my mom where babys come from she said I came from the adoption center.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
i called the suicide hotline in afghanistan, they got excited and asked if i could drive a plane
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the switch.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names the bartender asks. The American says William Matthews. The Asian says Same Ting
