Asked

Asked jokes

Orphanage

    • Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

    Asked memes

    Information

    • I didn't ask: ❌

    I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

    Pp

    • My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

    The librarian then asked me to take it out.

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    • Marriage

    • A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...

    ...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

    "My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."

    The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'

    They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'

    Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...

    Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."

    She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"

    Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"

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    • OnlyFans

    • Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

    Bank

    • I got fired from my job at the bank today.

    An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

    Bible

    • The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.

    A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

    "I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

    "That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."

    "T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."

    The pastor sends the man on his way.

    About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.

    The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.

    So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.

    "T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."

    Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.

    The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.

    He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"

    "W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."

    "I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."

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