Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dads pants. Little Johnny says "That explains what the lady next door was doing"
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him wheres your mom and he cried. Why?
I asked where is your parents and oh god i love working at an orphanage
i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it
A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn't delivery,it's digiorno"
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
“So I asked Genie if he could grant me this wish, I wished to be like Michael Jackson, the next day I was in a playground full of little kids.”
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I ask, "where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage:)
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were, I responded "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
