Asked jokes

One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

Yo mama so stupid.

When she was in mandarin class, she asked, "Where are the mandarins? I'm hungry."

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."

A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?

Ground Beef.

Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?

They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.

So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.

I said, "No, they don't have double doors."

When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.

Really, then give me a pond of water.

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with him?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.