A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying
When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder
That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Having homosexual parents must be terrible
Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of “go ask your mom”
When you call the middle eastern suicide hotline they ask you if you can fly a plane.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper But instead I showed them my wrists
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister
Daughter: But I don't have a sister
Dad: Exactly
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning? A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
So a daughter asks her father "dad what is you opinion on abortions?" So her father says why don't you ask your sister. The daughter responds "but I don't have a sister... Oh"
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"
Little johnnys teacher asks him "Johnny ,do you pray before you eat?" little johnny says "I dont need to, my mum makes good food.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what's that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
