Around Jokes

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around.

Why I turn around?

Infopka.com

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.

Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."