Around jokes

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?

Turkish.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!