Around jokes
Why was Sonic fast?
To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.
Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.
Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!
Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?
Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!
Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.