Ares jokes

Grandpa

    • I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

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    • Cookie

    • Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

    Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

    Mother: Really?

    Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

    Mother: 😁♥️🍪

    Ares memes

    Hamster

    • What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

    Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

  • 1

    • Skeleton

    • You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

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    • Toaster

    • Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.

    Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.

  • 3

    • Car

    • A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

    Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

    So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

    Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

    The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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    • Door

    • Hello 🤩 I'm here to ask, are there more doors or wheels? Like for doors, dislike for wheels. Comment for your reasons. I'm interested to see what will happen.

  • 6

    • Ground

    • Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

    Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

    Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

    Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

    Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

    Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

  • 3

    • Song

    • This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

  • 1

    • Alphabet

    • Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

    Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

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    • Orphanage

    • There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

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    • Gun

    • Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

    The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

    The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

    The guys die because the guards used real guns.

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