Ares jokes
Like if you are in high school and miss school!
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?
A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!