Ares jokes
If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
Like if you are in high school and miss school!
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?
A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.