Ares jokes
(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...
Robbie: It's been raining???
Ty: Yeah!
Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!
Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why are short people sad?
Don't judge though, it's crap but...
Because they couldn't reach happiness.
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
Hey D.K., how are you? :)
Love you!
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
Dino nuggets are kinda hot. Also, I want to fuck the brown M&M.
Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!
Student: Oh, did I miss anything?
I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.
"Prince? Are you still there?"
Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
A man said his bars are lit. I said no, because mine are fire.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.