Ares jokes
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, because they are walls.