Ares jokes
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?