Ares jokes
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"
Orphan; "Stop calling here!"
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Why are smurfs blue?
Because they get bruises all the time.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.