Ares jokes
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"
Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
Orphans are so useless even their parents agree.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.