Ares jokes
Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"