Ares jokes
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Memes
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.