Apple jokes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.