Apple jokes
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.