Appearance jokes
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.
My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"
Me: "Where?"
Friend: "In front of me."
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
Your hairline is so screwed that Michael Jackson can't even moonwalk to your hairline.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Kid: You're so fat!
Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.
Yo mama's so ugly, she could make an onion cry.
You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.
That face needing some laughing pills.
Your face.
You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.