What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
"Orla Doyle is fit."
Yo mama so fricking ugly, she made humans to extinct.
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
Your fat!
All dumbs aren't blonde.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.
I had to fix his collarbone.
