The teacher once said to some students ̈i was an orphan before your principle hired me. ̈ the students said ̈oof that is sad ̈ the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said ̈is anyone missing ̈ the students said ̈your parents. ̈ the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
If this is offending to anyone im sorry! Hey wanna see somethin funny?!?!?! go look in ur mirror
Why any orphans have sex? Because they can't call anyone daddy
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job, I asked him what jobs did you have previously. Calmly he answered," I am a pilot, I can pick it up from here and pile it over there, I also can fly a sign!!!" " To bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated, we don't need anyone at this time, sorry." " No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway, guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!!!"
A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
🌍:You're so hot! 🌎:How are you single? ☀️:I burn anyone who gets too close!
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes? Because they were too cheezy!
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
Someone kills a emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying. No one will suspect the killer was, anyone who took part.
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
If anyone gonn be fuckin my sister it's gonna be ME!
So one day i walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the famloy she starts to cry my mom ask why shes crying and i say i told her she was adopted and i was tgere for the adopten and we have peppers it was all a lie she is not adopted and every thing is fine
my dick is hard as a rock anyone wanna fuck
