I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?
Anyone wanna buy me Season X on Fortnite?
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Anyone here a spoon?
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Anyone who makes fun of Prof should go to hell.
