Anti-jokes
What do you call a squirrel that flies? A flying squirrel.
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Here's a joke: Your life.
What do you call a stick that comes back a chicken?
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
you.
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!