Answer jokes
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Why are school shooting jokes so funny? Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
MOM CALLS MY NAME
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why can’t an orphan go on the field trip?
Answer: They don’t have a parent’s signature.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
If an emo and a leaf are in a tree, which one will fall first?
Answer: The leaf. The rope saved the emo.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Answer: Because 7 8 9.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?
Answer: Loneliness.
Q: What's red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What type of sound does your crack make?
Answer: Quack!
Question: What did the sun say to the little star?
Answer: Are you my SUN?
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."