Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from, I answered “my cat has ocd”
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?" "OH honey thats your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
the circular saw asked the chainsaw,"When am I as big as you?" the chainsaw would answer with,"When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner." the circular saw would reply with,"What?"
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.
Why do orphans watch nightmare before Christmas
Answer: oogie boogie is ugly so they wanted for be ugly
Why do orphans live in a orphanage
Answer: because they are wanted there
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion? The peanut butler.
What do you call a dead hooker? It doesn't matter she won't answer you.
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving
what do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked? someone: ugly? me: no, trick question, they are still and orphan.
you have to tell this to a friend- There are 30 cows in a field 20 ate(28) chickens how many didn't? A: 10
Why lil kid cut himself :(????
Answer: because he was emo HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello please divert to 5°East to avoid collision. Thank you." The commander starts answering: "No you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!" "Sorry sir You are the one who should divert to 5°East! Over! "Listen to me you asshole! We are the USS Washington and we have an entire fleet at our disposal and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!" After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again: "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔 Answer: a buck an ear. 🤣
so a kid is taking a test and the paper says "in a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, and a pink bed, and a pink tv, and a pink cat, what colour are the stairs?"
so the kid answers pink like the idiot he is
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency? Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
