ANS jokes
I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
What's the difference between a blind person and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
What’s an orphan's favorite drink?
Fosters.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home! 😂🤣
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
When an orphan takes a photo, it’s also a family portrait!
Btw, if people find these offensive, why are you here? Why are you searching orphan jokes anyway?
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.