ANS jokes

Emo

    • So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

    But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

    So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

    This was the best day of my life.

    This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

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    • Prescription

    • A man gets an email from his doctor.

    "Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."

    The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

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    • ANS memes

    Group

    • A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

    "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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    • Orphan

    • I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

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    • Stereotype

    • A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

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    • Sacrifice

    • A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

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    • Mom

    • Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!

    I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.

    Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

    But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

    I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

    She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

    Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

    So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

    I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

    I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.

    She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

    How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

    Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

    She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

    Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young

    To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.

    You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

    We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.

    She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.

    But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

    Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef

    And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol

    But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

    She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.

    Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.

    She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest

    She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

    She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness

    I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.

    I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

    Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.

    Doin your mom doin doin your mom

    You know we straight with doin your mom

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.

    I'm havin' sex with your mother

    That makes me better than you.

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    • Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where's Trump's clock?"

    "Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

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    • Apple

    • An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away. if you throw it hard enough.

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    • Orphan

    • What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

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